To doula or not to doula?

So since I have found out I was pregnant I have been considering private birthing options. Here in the UK you have the national health service which is fully funded and then you have the option of paying privately. I straight away felt that I wanted to go private and have a caesarean. I had used an organisation called Mums in Solihull and they have been brilliant in offering private scans and services. The owner was fantastic and I know he does private births. When I enquired I discovered this was only for caesareans really and the more and more anxiety I felt about being pregnant I realised it was a caesarean that I definetely did not want! I feel like I want a natural birth and that is something that I really want to have much as possible. Unfortunately this then puts the private option out of reach.

So then I thought what about a Doula, I had researched and discovered you could hire a doula as support during and after your pregnancy and they can be a great help for mums when giving birth. I booked a few appointments and thought this would be the better option when going through the NHS. Few days before the appointment I decided to ask my midwife her opinion of Doiulas and she was very honest. She explained that it was my decision but she felt they were more of a hindrance than a help and that dads could do just as good as a job as the Doula. I mean I was always planning to have my husband there but she felt that Doula’s would keep wanting to do mums wishes and sometimes midwifes have to make decisions on behalf of baby and mother which might be different to the birth plan but in the best interests.
I then asked my cousin who is a health visitor and she said the exact same thing. So at that point I felt that Doula services were not an option.

I have booked hypnobirthing and ante natal classes and alongside my yoga and swimming classes this should hopefully get me into a good place for babies arrival….

Week 20-25 – Pregnancy journey

So I am now 25 weeks pregnant and I feel that pregnancy is going very quickly. Just feels like time is passing so much. Now baby can move it feels more real and if it doesn’t move a few times a day I normally go into a panic to make sure it moves. Normally sitting forward having a drink and talking to baby asking it to move normally works. The other day I went to pregnancy yoga and belly dancing and when I came back I realised baby hadn’t move. Texting my twin and she giving me ideas of what to do three hours later baby decided to say hi!

Me and my twin (who is also pregnant) have been going to aqua natal classes and yoga/belly dancing classes. We are also trying a specific yoga pregnancy class this week. I met a woman at a wedding the other week and she was lovely with a 5 month old baby. She explained how she had given birth in 5 hours and felt that it was due to yoga and nothing else. She felt that breathing exercises they teach you really helped her. I thought right I have to try it! So will let you know how it goes. I am not a slim woman as it is so doing any type of exercise is a good thing and keeps us moving and active. Don’t want baby to think mums lazy.

I have had a few weddings last couple of weeks and they have been exhausting – asian weddings are not relaxed and last all day. I made sure I had my flats to change into when I needed them. Not going to lie I struggled when everyone was enjoying a champagne reception and thought goodness me I cannot wait to enjoy a cold glass of prosecco. Not long left!

I feel like this second trimester I have been left to it really with the midwives. I have been worried about preeclampsia and ensuring that I don’t get that as at my 20 week scan they said my urine was +1 on protein. I was worried and with my recurring urine infections that I don’t get ill and make baby ill. I have downloaded a water app and made a very conscious effort to drink lots of water. I don’t drink many soft drinks since being pregnant as I love Diet Coke and cannot drink that. The caffeine free one is okay but not as good. So anyway I had my 24 week midwife appointment the other day and they literally checked my blood pressure, checked babies heartbeat. The midwife could feel baby and see that is was lying across ways still!!!!! I have learnt a few moves to try and get baby to move into right position and I do feel like it may have recently as my bump has changed shape and I can feel baby in different positions in my belly. I used the time to ask my midwife lots of questions, I have been having aches under my left breast and especially when I lie on my left side it aches even more. To the point its hard to sleep on that side or lie on that side. Its like a vibration ache. The midwife said that its very normal and its because all my organs are squashed and its probably a trapped nerve. They also checked my urine and it was totally clear – this made me very happy!!!!! I told the midwife how my husband was concerned as he thinks I am not eating enough. I have put on about 1 stone 2lbs since being pregnant. She said that was absolutely fine and I was not to eat for two and what I was eating was absolutely fine. Thankfully hubby was there to hear that!!

So this weekend we have been baby shopping with my mum and twin and her husband Andy. I really don’t get excited about what pram to have, whats the best steriliser, baby monitor. My sister has taken over that role and seems to be doing a great job and I have left it to her decision. We ordered our baby furniture from Mamas and Papas. We had the same furniture me and my twin and Mamas and Papas service was outstanding! It really was so good and attentive. The boys were getting very excited with all the gadgets which we had to keep directing them away from.
We have had the bedrooms painted ready for new carpets to go down next week. Everything seems to be happening now. We have our antenatal classes in September and then hypnobirth in October. Looks like next few months are going to be busy and baby will be here quickly!

Reading blogs helps me stay in control of what will happen so I know what to expect. Hubby is still doing the pregnancy boards – not sure if he will get sick of it soon!

Until next time everyone take care. xSurrey Wedding

Pregnancy board!
Pregnancy board!
Park Lane wedding
Park Lane wedding

20 week scan and midway through the pregnancy!

So I am now 20 week pregnant, i find it hard to believe sometimes. I am 20 weeks pregnant!! It seems to have gone so quick and I can’t believe I am halfway. I cannot wait for baby to be here and to be a mom. I sometimes think how will life be, I hope I am a good mum. I know my other half will be he adores kids and is such a patient person, playing with children for hours.

So had my 20 week scan the other week and we were both nervous and excited at seeing our baby. We had been for a private scan few days earlier just to make sure baby was okay but still you get nervous that all will be okay with baby. This is where they do an anolamy scan and make sure all is okay with baby. I had a trainee person again (same one as 16 week scan). I don’t mind this but one of the first things he said was baby was in breach. More experienced midwife took over and i asked her whether I should be worried that baby is breach. She said that he should not have used that word, I am 20 weeks in pregnancy and a word such as that would not be used until I was at least 34/36 weeks. My placenta was not low which is good and they said that as placenta was at the back I would be able to feel babies kicks so much more.

We have decided that we will reveal babies sex at baby shower together with my twin who is pregnant too so we will do it together.

I was at wedding this weekend and to be honest would have loved a cool glass of champagne – 4 months and counting! We had a lot of comments (me and my twin) that we would have babies soon and be running after them trying to keep them under control and how our lives would never be the same again. I am sure life will never be the same again however I do not plan to stop enjoying and living life just because i am a mother. My baby hopefuly will grow to be a good child who with support will have  a routine. I have been reading a book called the blissful baby expert by Lisa Clegg. This has been so useful and given lots of tips. I plan to try and use many of these.

We have started taking pregnancy bump pics and my hubby has been drawing lovely chalkboards for the occasion. He really enjoys doing it and I want him to be involved in everything and this baby and pregnancy is for both of us not just me.

I felt baby kick on Friday for the first time. I was at the wedding and felt bubbles in my stomach, I realised that was baby and have now felt it every day since. It feels very light and not overpowering at the moment. I am sure as baby grows they will be more intense.

So at the moment I am just taking each day at a time and enjoying pregnancy, praying my baby is health and strong and remembers how much I and daddy love it.

18 weeks!
18 weeks and putting on my very happy excited face!

16 week midwife appointment and a holiday with hubby and the bump!

So last week my hubby took me away to Paris for 5 days. We absolutely love our holidays, this time last year we were in Miami and Vegas but unfortunately not this year due to being pregnant. I feel anxious about flying generally as it is and would not cope well with being pregnant and flying. Since that pilot flew that plane into the mountain I am terrible even more with flying. So we went on the Eurostar train to Paris. It was a lovely break and so warm, few negatives were that so many french people smoke and my husband was forever getting us to move tables as he didn’t want me inhaling the smoke! Then all the lovely champagne and wine and I couldn’t have any of it (bad times). My gorgeous baby is worth it though. We just visited the tourist areas, ate lots of food and talked about sweetpea (baby) helluva lot. I would get tired from walking around, yes I know I am only 16 weeks pregnant but I honestly was exhausted by the afternoon.

Returned from holiday this Sunday and have been back to work last few days, its like we never went away (typical)!

Had my 16 week midwife appointment which was making me very anxious as we hear babies heartbeat and I wanted to make sure baby was okay. So off we went today husband in tow, as I arrived I remembered I forgot to bring a urine sample!!! Tried going to the toilet and a dribble came out – thankfully it was enough. They said my urine was +1 with protein. That worries me as I don’t want to get preeclampsia and also I suffered with many urine infections last few years so I worry whether it will affect me during pregnancy. Also weirdly I had a hospital appointment turn up last week for the urologist, nurses can’t tell me who booked it and whats it for! Not very good so I will have to wait until the appointment.

Anyway midwife told me it might take time to find heartbeat and not to get anxious as she knows that I suffer with anxiety. She also said baby should have moved up now to the bottom of my stomach out of my pelvis, as soon as she put the monitor on my belly you heard babies heartbeat straight away. I giggled and sweetpea ran to the other side so they had to find it again. It was lovely hearing its heartbeat and reminded me how much we adore it already.

Hubby talks to it every single days about 3/4 times since we discovered I am pregnant, kisses it tells it about how much mommy and daddy love it.

Walked out of doctors with  our hearts filled with more love than we thought was possible….

Our break in Paris!
Our break in Paris!

Telling everyone the news and the second trimester is upon me!

So telling everyone was actually hard work! I have a big family so many people to tell. My friend Jess had her gorgeous son Theo and daughter Freya make me a video which told people that “Manny has a baby in her belly.’ I sent this to my dad, then facetimed him straight after, he and my my brother and sister were very excited and shocked to hear my news. My grandma was very emotional, crying and saying how god had answered her prayers. I think she thinks 35 was far too old to not have babies by now and how god needed to bless me with a child quickly. Err no grandma its because i wanted to enjoy my life and drink prosecco and have lovely beach holidays for a bit longer (not that it will stop once baby is here). My husband has a small family so not loads of people to tell but his uncle and aunty who I am very close to we’re so happy they were in tears.

My whole family were just delighted and some would comment that my twin Tanny needed to be next (little did they know she would be announcing her news exactly a week later after her 12 week scan)! So now a few weeks later and everyone knows about both of us, lots of people asking if we are having twins as we are twins (errr no we are not and thank goodness, I just need to get through this birth first). Some people found it weird that both of us are pregnant and only 13 days apart, this really pissed me off. Some people cannot be happy for you no matter what. We both knew we were trying for children and obviously left it to fate when we got pregnant, thankfully we were blessed that we became pregnant straight away.

Anyway enough moaning about negative people.

So the second trimester is strange, I feel a bit better as sickness has nearly gone. I feel strange though as I don’t feel pregnant, apart from sore nipples and stretching pains its weird. People say that you feel that way in the second trimester.

My hubby is obsessed with baby, spends every morning, day evening talking to it, making it know how much it will be loved by us and how much mommy and daddy love it. I am so excited to see him as a father as it really will complete our family.

Just come back from a holiday from Paris so will talk about that in the next blog and I also have my 16 week midwife appointment. Take care until then.

Twelve week scan!

So last Thursday we went for my scan. I woke up in the morning feeling sick in my stomach, anxious at what the day would hold. I heard from someone that you have to have a blood test first when you go because of downs syndrome. This made me feel more anxious as I hate needles and was not prepared.

So the whole day went with me being anxious about what was happening. Appointment was at 3.10pm and my husband Tesh who said he would definitely be on time from his meeting ran late. I was so stressed out driving to his work to meet him as I could not have attended the appointment without him. I need him there for moral support and rely on him even more through this pregnancy now. He took his own car and we both drove to the hospital. I couldn’t believe when I got there that all the car park was full, it was totally ridiculous. It was now 3.05pm and Tesh went to drive out of the hospital to park on the streets somewhere. I finally got a space and ran as fast as I could for the ward. Me and Tesh arrived around the same time panting and thankfully the woman was lovely and logged us in.

The wait took a while, over an hour. I kept drinking water as your meant to keep your bladder full. The nurse called us in, there were two men nurses, one experienced one training. The nurse who was training was going to do my scan. Off he went, he was a lovely man so kind however did not speak just kept zooming in and out on the screen. It was actually uncomfortable as my bladder was so full. After about 5 minutes and feeling more and more nervous that we are not being told anything the other nurse said to him that mom and dad are getting worried you need to tell them you can see a heart beat etc. Then he did, phew! Finally he told us the news that baby was okay and heartbeat was there. The nurse was struggling to get a clear view, the more experienced nurse took over and then said my bladder was too full and to go empty it by half. Off I went for half a wee much to the amusement how that was possible. I then returned and he said my bladder was still too full and to ‘let it go let it go’ so off I went to empty my bladder. Apparently I was then told that was too much! Anyway after getting on with it we got our grainy picture showing baby was okay and immediately I felt calmer. Then they measured babies back of neck for the downs syndrome test. This took a while as baby was being very naughty and would not stay still. Then I took a seat in the waiting room and waited for the dreaded blood test. First the nurse checked my weight etc and asked a few questions and then took me to another nurse for the test. I told her how much I hate needles! She was so lovely. I didn’t look but I can honestly say I didn’t hardly feel anything she was brilliant. We walked out of the hospital an hour and a half later with our babies picture and ready to tell the world…………

God these headaches…..

So I have my twelve week scan on Thursday and its not as nerve wracking for me as I have already had two due to my earlier problems. I am looking forward to having the scan and then being able to tell my daddy, my grandma and brothers. It will be nice for people to finally know and make it feel more real.

I have however been having these terrible headaches, and they are so dull and just there on the sides of my head at the temples. It’s driving me mad as I feel like this haze all over me. I struggled to sleep last night and every single night since I have been pregnant I cannot sleep without dreaming about pregnancy. I don’t mind this but sometimes I wish I could switch off and just be normal Manny for a while and not pregnant Manny just for a day.

I have struggled with this nausea and headaches. I don’t know how these women cope with actually being sick for twelve weeks I really wouldn’t cope well with this. So this is going to be a big week with the scan and telling everyone. It will be exciting and nervy at the same time.

Will keep you filled in on how it goes x

So the last ten weeks…


Having been married to my other half for 6 years and together for 10 this year children is something we have always wanted. Due to me suffering with anxiety I have never felt strong enough to try for children, fear of giving birth, hospitals etc has always steered me to delay for a bit longer.

I really wanted to enjoy my life a little before having kids so I got the opportunity to travel and do well with work. At Christmas (Christmas Day to be exact) my husband said no more pill it’s time we started trying for children Even though I was terrified I agreed as I know how much we love kids and how much we love each other. I don’t want us getting old alone and would always want to know there was someone here for my husband apart from me. My husband is an only child with a very small family. Whereas I am a twin and have brothers and step/half sisters and brothers and that is something my husband loves, having a large family.

So anyway I got a clearblue fertility stick to know when I was fertile. First month in January nothing happened no smiley face, I was put off with this and thought maybe something was wrong with my reproductive bits! I mean I am 35 and have left it quite late compared to others to have children. So in February I thought I am not using the stick, it was my husbands birthday and we went away for a short break to Tenerife. We had a lovely break, got to spend some lovely time together and felt very refreshed.

In March I had a 36 day gap for my next period. Then on good friday I decided to use the fertility stick again, The smiley face came up! So the next two days we kept ourselves busy! As soon as bank holiday weekend was over I felt sick, just wanting to puke all the time. My twin had discovered she was pregnant with her first baby too! My twin and mum thought it was hilarious as I was getting her pregnancy symptoms and thought this was great. The weekend after I got to Saturday and felt terrible, sickness nausea feeling. I said to my husband I am going to get a pregnancy test, not believing I was pregnant. So that afternoon after a day out to Ironbridge with my nephew I did my pregnancy test. There it was in clearblue blue that I was pregnant. I could not believe it, my sister was overwhelmed and so excited. I would be a few weeks pregnant behind her. We decided to go with them to the local pub for a few drinks (squash for twins!) to celebrate. When we got back that evening I literally felt that I had wee’d myself. I went to the toilet and I was bleeding. Distraught and scared I called the non emergency number 111 or 101 (brain freeze). The call operator was not the greatest telling me I was breathing heavily and did I have breathing difficulties, not a good thing to say to someone who suffers with anxiety.

A doctor called me back after 45 minutes and told me to come to the A&E. Off we went and after 3 hours or so we saw a doctor, they said my urine was still showing pregnant but it would do so. As I was so early pregnant they could not do a scan for another 3 weeks and I would need to be put on complete bed rest. I may have had a miscarriage. So the same day I found out I was pregnant I was told I could have possibly suffered a miscarriage. This was a lot of emotions to deal with all on the same day.

My husband would not let me do anything. We went home about 2am and I was just exhausted mentally with all that was going on out of my control.

The next two weeks I just sat at home, bleeding worried everytime I went to the toilet and my mum trying to be as strong as she could be and praying thinking that would make it all better. I couldn’t do anything, except go to the toilet alone. My husband cooked for me cleaned me, he was my rock. He protected me with everything he had. I wanted to go to work and he wouldn’t let me, said I would need to wait until the scan. I visited the doctors and she said the same thing.

I had been researching before trying to children about the private options for childbirth due to my anxiety. I came across MUMS in Solihull which offered scans etc and a caesarean option if required. I decided to call my friend Jess and tell her what was going on. She has three small children and has always been there through every difficulty I can think of in my life. She literally came the next day. Telling me to stay calm and that many women in her NCT had bled and it did not mean that you definitely had a miscarriage. I had also taken some advice off another friend who told me to contact MUMS and see what they could do. It took me two days to get the courage to call them. When I did the lady was so nice, just so reassuring, said they could do a blood test (epcg?) and that they would do it again after three days. It would tell them if I was pregnant as the hormones should have doubled or trebled. They got me an appointment the next day. I took my mum and I was so scared. I hate needles, yes I know I am such a baby. I went at 2pm and the owner Mike did my test, he was lovely and tried to keep me calm as possible. I went home glad that I had done it and that in a few days I would know what was going on. That same day I got a call from mums, they had my results. My hormone levels were 77118. I did not understand what that meant. She said it meant I was definetly pregnant and maybe multiple births with the level of hormone. She booked me in for a ultrasound scan but could not get me in until 4/5 days later. I was about to pass out at this point. I thought I had a miscarriage and now I am being told I am definitely pregnant with more than one baby possibly! How I slept through that night I do not know.

Next morning I received a call to say they had a cancellation and calling me in for the scan. Off I went with my husband feeling very anxious and overwhelmed. The women at MUMS were lovely again. The doctor first carried out a ultrasound – there on the big 32 inch screen was a baby, heart beating as fast as anything and we watching with mouths open, overwhelmed. Then they did a vaginal scan. I was a bit apprehensive but to be honest it did not hurt one bit. By doing that it was a much better picture where you could see everything. The 3/4 weeks pregnant I thought I was, I wasn’t. There was only one baby but I was 8 weeks pregnant. That holiday we went to in February thats when I got pregnant just before. I was relieved there was only one. I came out feeling a lot calmer and relieved that baby was in the right place with a heart beat and the bleeding was due to old blood above the baby sac and nothing to worry about whatsoever.

I cannot believe I did not call the MUMS team before. Two weeks of sitting there waiting and scared and I could have known what was going on way before.

So next few days it was getting use to the fact I was pregnant, feeling anxious with what was going on.

I am now more calmer and feel more in control. This has taken me a while because of my anxiety and apprehension but I feel it all takes time to settle down. At the moment 2nd December we will be having our very own sweet pea.<3

Sweetpea Baby

This is a blog about my journey of being pregnant with my first baby (sweetpea) with the man of my dreams. I hope to share my trials and tribulations throughout my journey and beyond. There already has been quite a few and it’s only 9 weeks in!

Hope you enjoy the journey with me.